On Growing Up as a Young Girl in Pakistan

Every time I tell any of my guy friends that living as a brown girl isn't easy, they come up with some explanation about how living as a brown guy isn't easy too, and I respect that. 

So today, I decided to share some personal experiences of living as a teenage Brown girl therefore, I welcome you all to have a constructive critique and discussion about what it's really like growing up in Pakistan.

I'm an 18-year-old Pakistani. I have ambitions. It's my dream to set up my own business abroad one day. I also drive. A year back, I used to come home around nine. I didn't know how to cook anything until six months ago. I don't wish to get married anytime soon. I strongly believe in crushing gender stereotypes. I don't believe in male supremacy. So now that you have the basic idea of my mindset, let me tell you, it took me a while to realize my own worth. I wasn't brought up with the belief of a woman being independent and self-sufficient.

I grew up with random people making me feel like I am a burden to my dad. I grew up with my dearest ones telling me that I must not dream too big, as one day I'll have to give up on those dream for a man’s fragile ego. I was taunted by my relatives for not knowing how to cook. I was instructed to bow down to my husband’s will. I was taunted in the middle of traffic when people beside me whispered: "How shameless for a female to drive."

I grew up with the pressure of being restricted for the things a boy won't be restricted for. I grew up with my neighbours judging me for coming home at nine. I grew up with the anxiety of feeling inferior to men. It all came to an end when my mother was questioned about my upbringing, at a family function. She was made to feel uncomfortable after a series of comments on my privilege as a girl. And how I might not fit their definition of a perfect brown girl for being so outgoing and outspoken. 

The initial thought that came to my mind was; being a girl isn't a curse, and I don't have to please them. Nobody has the right to tell me How a girl should be. I can be bold yet graceful. I can be confident and maintain my dignity. The fear in my mother's eyes made me the fearless woman I am. 

And now let me ask all the brown guys. How often are you asked about your plans for marriage at the age of 18? How often are you told to not dream big? How often are you told that one day you'll have to give up on your dreams? How often are you told to learn cooking? How often are you told that women aren't inferior to you? How often are you told that there isn't any concept of male dominance? How often are your parents questioned about your upbringing? How often have you felt suffocated and prisoned?

Let's acknowledge a sheer fact that growing up in a brown society we all have witnessed male supremacy and gender inequality and many of us grew up with prejudices believing in it. However, it makes us believe the same things as our parents and grandparents. I am

in no way discrediting or disrespecting our ancestors. Instead, I hope these questions make everyone aware of how suffocating it can be to exist and be bounded because of your gender. When are we going to stop questioning individual freedom and talk about how everyone deserves equality.

I've shared my stories, but there are many unspoken ones. I am talking on behalf of them, in the hope that to look deeper and critique what kind of opinions you have, so together we can pave a way for ourselves and the ones after us.