Sincerely, A Pakistani Emo

On a bright and sunny Karachi evening, I lounged freely on the wooden settee in our living room. Basking in the Sun, I typed away on my laptop. The thick scent of brewing chai enveloped the air. There were no exams or quizzes the next day. It was an ideal eighth-grade after-school situation. What was more predominant than the scent of the chai in the room was the music blaring through my headphones. 

I remember the exact song that I was listening to. It was Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy. Discovering new music is always very exciting, but discovering emo music as a little brown girl over a cup of chai and a bowl of Maggi noodles is truly something else. 

“Emo” music was not even the first word that came to mind when I first came across Fall Out Boy. Their music just sounded like upbeat-early 2000s music to me, like a more intricate and soulful Jonas Brothers, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

I may remember when and how I first got introduced to emo music, but I still don’t remember the exact details of how I became full-fledged emo when I was 14. 

Before I knew it, I had swoopy side bangs and an entire closet full of black clothes — hoarded from Karachi’s makeshift thrift bazaars — with bones and skulls on them. Soon enough, there came a time where all I watched on YouTube was Dan and Phil.

It’s kind of concerning how my emo phase came and went without me acknowledging it too much. Again, before I knew it, within a year I grew out my hair and added more color to my closet. But to this day, the music taste hasn’t left. 

The first time I addressed that I had an emo phase was a couple of years ago going through old photos. Especially the ones with me standing next to my friends who looked so “normal” in comparison. My friends did not listen to emo music and the first time I met anyone who would unapologetically sing Panic! At The Disco with me in public was years later, during my time in my A-Level school. 

Being able to sing specific songs with someone for the first time was liberating. However, my experiences of bonding with other ex-emo kids are always a poignant reminder of how emo kids didn’t fit in. The fact that kids belonging to harmless alternate subcultures here are made fun of, is daunting.

I always wondered if the generation slightly older than me experienced an actual emo scene in Pakistan. The internet was my only resort to figure out if that was a reality. My efforts were to no avail because the closest thing to a Pakistani emo scene I found was how at one point, every boy had the Justin Beiber haircut and how everyone had pictures of random white emo girls as their profile pictures. I could be wrong about this, but I don’t think Pakistan ever had a proper emo scene. 

If you’ve never had an emo phase, whether you’re from Pakistan or not, and you’ve come to this point in the article. I just want you to know that any kid having an emo phase isn’t necessarily an absolute pessimist who hates joy. Having an emo phase could be a form of coping, conflict resolution, or simply just indulging in different genres of art and culture. If kids aren’t doing anything harmful or unhealthy, I don’t see a point in giving them a hard time for doing what they want.