MEET WILHELM FRYDENBORGSBERGER
Wilhelm Frydenborgsberger’s no. 1 pick-up line is ‘Where are you from?’, usually followed by ‘Your English is really good!’. Sometimes he even says this to to the women of color he grew up with, but most often he’s off on an adventure in the third world. He brags to his female friends, female cousins and relatives, female acquaintances, random women on the bus, and fellow Redditors that he only dates ‘exotic women’ — and therefore has great taste in foreign food and cinema! Hahaha!
When the woman of his attention doesn’t walk away or block him, Frydenborgsberger becomes excited... and hungry it seems. He starts to dole out compliments: ‘I just love the color of your skin’, ‘you look absolutely delicious, like chocolate or cinnamon’, ‘you know, that’s a beautiful culture you have there’ (he says this last one staring googly-eyed at the woman’s crotch). Compliments soon become excuses but before that they become gropes, which are angrily pushed away: ‘I couldn’t help it, since I just love the color of your skin!’ (he is secretly pondering how delicious dinner will be). See, Frydenborgsberger sees no difference between expressions of affection and gropes, and sees no difference between finding the most exotic dish and cornering the most exotic woman. He writes on The Red Pill about how all the women of the third world are just *loca* for gringo men, and their playing hard-to-get is just another fiery Latina turn-on.
Frydenborgsberger spends his days as a lost adventurist-poet-traveller-photographer-English teacher-volunteer-aid worker-street food connoisseur (or in most languages, bum) in the third world, and despite monthly deposits from his grandparents, brags about how tough his bohemian life is. When his grandparents buy him a plane ticket to visit them for Christmas, he impresses his redneck family with his few mispronounced Spanish phrases ‘Oy chica, quieres un tic-tac?’. He’s convinced them to vote for Green Party through his long explanations of the anti-globalization movement, and they are proud of having such a quirky open-minded passionate traveller in the family.
This white ally believes his travels make him an honorary brown, and he admits he now feels nervous when there are too many white people at a house party. Probably because there are no brown girls to hit on. When he does find a brown girl, all dressed up in his anti-globalization t-shirt (made in China) underneath his tweed jacket (consciously ironic), he randomly introduces his political activism into the conversation. For example, his time volunteering for the Red Cross in Haiti, where he single-handedly built 7 houses. When the brown girl informs him the entire mission of the Red Cross in Haiti only built 6 houses in 6 years, he expresses outrage at her naive belief in anti-humanitarian propaganda, and refers her to Christopher Hitchens as a therapeutic antidote to her ignorance. But he’ll always add that he thinks she’s really smart, and loves talking to women engaged with politics, which makes him a feminist. When she tries to step away from him, he tries to Gaslight by rewinding back to his favourite compliment …
